


I forgive you.

by j_whirl44



Series: Podcast Girls Week 2020 [2]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: RQG 107 - Questions and Answers, i love.......sasha so much, moments around The Speech from RQG 107
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25111723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: Sasha confronts Barrat.
Series: Podcast Girls Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821985
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13
Collections: Podcast Girls Week





	I forgive you.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: *some dialogue used is straight from RQG 107 - Questions and Answers all credit to Lydia*

Sasha leans over Barrat, her dagger so dangerously close to his throat. She grips the handle tight and she sees her knuckles are white but she can’t bring herself to unclench even for a moment. He looks disheveled and she takes a little glee in that but there’s still that cocky look in his eye. That snarky glint that he’s always had is still there and Sasha wishes for a moment she could just poke them out. Wishes she could turn to that anger she has for him just once. He deserves it, but she doesn’t. She won’t give him that satisfaction.

He tried to raise her to be that way. Raised her to steal and harm innocent people for “the benefit of the family” when Sasha knew he only meant himself.

Her dagger is to his throat and she wants so badly to flick her wrist and end his life, but she won’t. She knows she’s better than that. So she grips the handle even tighter and grinds her teeth until her jaw begs her to stop.

Then he brings up Brock.

It’s in such a casually cruel and calculated way that Sasha’s breath catches in her throat and she wants to spit at his feet. He doesn’t even remember his name. It’s then she knows she needs to step away before she lets the anger take her. She digs her dagger in ever so slightly before removing it completely and stepping back from Barrat and the rest of the group. She walks off and hides in the shadows. It’s where she feels safe. She watches them talk as she rubs her hands to get the feeling back into them.

She notices Azu’s grip on one of her smaller axes by her side and the way Hamid’s hands keep flexing in and out of fists sometimes she sees the claws come out almost unknowingly. Grizzop is tapping his foot impatiently as he, like Azu, is also gripping his bow tight, an arrow neatly placed in the quiver. She watches her friends interrogate Barrat and she lets out a sigh of relief, lucky that they’re there to handle it.

She tries to listen to everything as best she can but she can now only focus again onto Barrat. She just doesn’t understand how evil one single man could be. How laissez faire he could be with providing humans, children, to terrible people without even considering the consequences of his actions.

Sasha cried for days when Brock was gone. She remembers feeling so small and so afraid in the streets of Other London now that he wasn’t there. She felt abandoned and lied to. And it was all Barrat’s fault. The whole time. Every single thing that was decided for Sasha while growing up was because of _him._ Now he was here on his hands and knees trying to cut another deal. Trying to get out of a situation he buried himself in years ago and Sasha’s supposed to just let him? Because he might have information on a Cult that according to Azu hasn’t existed since the fall of Rome?

No.

Sasha didn’t care. She didn’t want to see the face of that sad old man any longer. She closes her eyes and bites her lips as she lets a few silent tears fall from her face. She wants to scream, she so desperately wants to be angry because she has a right to be. She thinks of Brock and it calms her down. Thinks of finding him again in Mr. Ceiling. She lets out a sigh and looks up to the sky as to acknowledge him.

“Okay, mate,” she says.

Her friends are gathered in a discussion just off to the side and she joins them as Hamid calls out her name.

Grizzop wants to kill him. Hamid wants to hand him over to the law. Azu is looking at her with so much worry and confusion and concern that Sasha can’t meet her face. She knows they’re all waiting for her to make the decision. It makes sense, they have the most history together.

He is family after all.

She hates that. Hates that they share a name, share a bloodline. She knows it’s no use to anyone now as the world around them is seemingly collapsing but it makes her skin crawl just a little bit. She’s never thought much about her name but now she doesn’t want it. But that's a thought for another day.

She turns to Barrat and sees how he’s bound and gagged but his eyes refuse to show his fear and it frustrates Sasha.

She steps forwards. His eyes falter. _‘Good,’_ she thinks.

Her feet are at his face now and she looks down at him. She doesn’t break eye contact.

“I...I forgive you, Barrat. You didn’t care. All this time, you didn’t,” she says. She watches his eyes scan her face and he now begins to squirm under her stare. _‘Keep going,’_ she tells herself. 

“..You should be locked up and not know what’s gonna happen next, and know that you are not important for what happens to the world, or to…to me, cause you’re not,” she continues. Barrat’s not looking at her now. His eyes still shine in the annoying way they continue to but his face is going whiter, his eyes almost seem like they're sinking in further. She stands up a little straighter. The others have been silent the whole time but she feels their eyes on her.

“You’re not important. Just a man on the floor.”

At this Barrat all but collapses. He’s angry, she can see that, but he can’t do anything. He is truly powerless and as insignificant as he’s ever been. And Sasha’s the one with the power. His life in her hands and she can choose whatever she wants to do with it.

So she chooses mercy knowing he’ll hate it. He’ll hate being alive but powerless more than a swift arrow to the heart or a knife to the throat, and that’s all Sasha needs to know she made the right choice.

They take him away. Sasha sits with Grizzop by the fire they made to pass the hours until dawn.

She smiles slightly as she realizes this is the most relaxed she’s been in a very, very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Technically his name is spelled with an a which feels fitting bc he is a rat after all so i just went with it. all other canon spelling who??
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed! I love this moment so much.


End file.
